Cycling

Yesterday, I started packing my bags. Besides the few clothes and toiletries I have, my few remaining items include books, more books, some binders + pens, an Aeropress and Contigo mug, a B&D clothes iron...and thats it. Oh, I almost forgot: I have even more books. Too many to fit in one piece of luggage (and yes, its overweight). I'll probably need to buy a carry-on

This morning, I set my Comp retake date for April, and bought my plane tickets home. Currently on my third bowl of oatmeal. I really hate oatmeal sometimes.

I'm sitting back and looking at the last few days of work. It started out, predictably, with a lot of disorganization. By the next day, I had straightened up and was able to manage the urge to distract myself. I could write a thousand words about how it feels at times, but why bother?

One biochem pathway later...

Suffice it to say, the act of studying causes me stress and discomfort. I don't know why. Some people are distressed by spiders or dogs or falling out of an airplane (or possibly some combination of falling out of an airplane full of spiders and landing on an island inhabited by wild dogs). And so my first thought is to do something besides work. Maybe check my email, or look up a webcomic, or (the nuclear winter scenario) log onto Reddit. 

The stress continues as long as I study, and the urge to relieve that stress is endless. On days that I have slept well, I have more self-control and can march forward with less stress-relief interruptions. 

This describes the first 2-3 days of a new study session. 

Then, the unhappyness starts piling on. Going to the gym for an hour daily or every other day doesn't relieve the physical pain associated with desk-work. My sleep worsens, as I both tend to sleep later in the night (usually in search of things that will cheer me up) and wake earlier in the morning (because fuck you, circadian rhythm). My hobbies are reduced to snacking, or going to the empty fridge to remind myself that I don't have any food left. This might continue for 2-3 days of declining accomplishments.

Finally, I reach Minimum Effective Concentration. A day flies by and I'm a whole chapter behind schedule. 

Then I take half a day off to watch some TV, sleep in, or make food. 

Of course, there are times when its not as much about stress as it is about boredom. Hearing about a topic for the 5th time can be only so interesting. In this case, I can sometimes increase my level of interest by increasing the speed of the lecture (if its audio/video). 

Other things I've done in the past that have marginal benefits: 

-have my bags packed before I sleep, with a plan for the next day

-turn off distracting skype/cell phone/other ways for people to break one of my few minutes of concentration

-change study areas

-change my study sources (rotate between questions, books, lectures)

(Pomodoro and flashcards did not show signs of effectiveness, but perhaps I didn't do them properly the first time. )

In the past, I've focused on trying to reduce the urge to slack off. However, this all seems to stem from the fact that studying causes stress. Is there a way that I can dissociate the two? Maybe cognitive behavioral therapy?

More to follow once I've had a real lunch. I really hate oatmeal right now